Friday, 09 January 2009
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Does IT Exist?
Ever notice when you’re in a daily setting among attractive people -- where you’re almost forced to have to regularly interact with (be it job, school, cause, or something else) -- there seems to be a unique sensation whenever you are around them?
Maybe it’s one of those things that, because of their awesomeness, you might get a little intimidated, nervous, or perhaps… just maybe – dare we go there – it’s sexual tension?
Now before you married folks -- or those in an exclusively committed relationship get your undies in a wad and decide to go high and mighty to defensively claim, “Not me, I’m faithful to my ______. I would never ______...” Just stop. Don’t finish your statement of defense, hear me out, and allow me to finish.
Gimme a chance, ah-ight?
Where was I?
Oh yeah…I never said that the scenario involved giving in to any wanton desires that may exist deep down inside. That might be YOUR defense mechanism coming out. And if it is, I got no stones to throw at you. Why? Because you’re just being real.
All I said was that those feelings are present -- whether we want to admit it or not. The fact that the feelings exist doesn’t make you a low down, unfaithful snake, for you’ve done nothing wrong. Hell, you might not even entertain the thoughts beyond that person’s presence. The feelings might just arise when those type of intriguing people are around, and then leave when they leave.
All I’m saying is that it still happens to me, and whether you’re willing to admit it or not, it probably happens to you, as well.
Yes, I’m married. And many of you know how rocky the relationship has been as a result of “her indiscretions.” However, even though I’m hitched, it doesn’t mean I don’t deal with the tension whenever I’m around certain hotties I am forced to work with.
The placement of stares when both of you are together. The added excuses to stay in each other's presence just a little bit longer. The occasional flirtations like her/him playing with your hair in your office with no one around. Or how about the peripheral vision of her/him gazing at you or another section of your anatomy.
Hey, these things could all be naive and innocent on the other person's part. But they could also be revealing something on the inside. You just never know about these things.
But in reality -- for the most part -- each time I am in a position to deal with these types of people, I naturally rise (no pun intended) above those feelings… and the tensions automatically stay beneath da filter.
Now, according to the urbandictionary.com, the term sexual tension is defined as "the tension felt between two people who want to do something sexual together but hold back."
That's just a possibility.
You might not wanna unleash a full-fledged, jump her/his bones mentality deep within, but there could still be a feeling of being attracted to that person -- even though you'll never ever give in to those desires. And that's almost a mild form of sexual tension. Sort of a Grade 1 type. Not a third degree burn yearn.
No, I haven’t any plans to ever yield to these so-called temptations... but honestly, that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.
Just keepin’ it real.
And by the way, I’m very, very interested in hearing your experiences dealing with these kinds of situations. What do YOU think about the topic of sexual tension in general? And are you experiencing it at the moment – or can you even relate? If so, feel free to share.
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Comments (18)
I think that it's natural to have an element of sexual tension with people you come in contact with, even if you ARE taken.
I think everyone has felt it at some point or another. I've certainly been in situations in the past, especially work or college, where I was in close proximity to someone attractice. On quite a lot of occasions that person was already taken so there was nothing beyond the initial attraction.
In my view it's simply the way our bodies work. A certain level of lust is part of who we are. Doesn't mean we're going to do anything about it. Also certain people are just natural flirts. It's almost like having a crush on a celebrity. We may think about the naughty stuff we'd like to do with them but it's not like we entertain any realistic expectations.
I feel it can even be here on Xanga, or is that just me?
I tell people that just because I'm dating doesn't mean I'm dead. Which I usually then need to clarify as: "I can still find other people attractive. Just because I'm in a relationship doesn't mean I have a sexuality 'off switch.'
Denying or ignoring sexual tension is almost as bad as acting on it (in inappropriate situations, which is what you are talking about).
Cognitively, I know it exists and certainly do not claim to be "above" it. However, I have been fortunate not to have to really deal with it thus far. Of course, being single does sort of make one exempt from the exact situation you describe hehe. Even times when I've had a girlfriend though I have been fortunate in that regard... though having one's 1st 2 girlfriends cheat on them can also be a very polarizing experience, causing one to gravitate more toward infidelity or away from it.
i love my man, and wudn't want to do anything to hurt him.
that doesn't mean other ppl cease to be attractive. that doesn't mean I don't flirt w/ the waiter to get better service, or for him to make my drink a lil extra nice.
it's just not going any further than that. and i wudn't disrespect my man by doing that in his face. and i don't entertain overt flirtation or advances beyond "the look" or "the smile".
but that's what love makes you do. lust makes you put your number on the napkin and giggle w/ ur girlfriends on the way out of the restaurant.
Sure, everyone's had that happen, I think. How do I deal with it? Honestly, I just enjoy it. That doesn't mean I act on it, that doesn't always even necessarily mean it's mutual. I just kind of deal with the person in a normal and respectful manner and if they stir up some feelings, I just enjoy it. Eventually it goes away or it settles into some kind of rapport. Sometimes a little bit of mild flirting ensues. Enjoy it, don't let it devolve into some kind of nasty behavior.
When I was with the ex I did have various situations of sexual tension and it almost never went beyond a reasonable or acceptable level (and I never consciously flirted). Once I am committed to someone I am pretty good with avoiding "indiscretions". You just have to keep a respectful distance. It has nothing to do with whatever impulses that person might stir up in you.
Of course, now that I'm single... bring on the indiscretions.
Yeah sure it happens.
The funny thing is though, I am not necessarily attracted to a 'good looking' man. It may be something left of center that I am drawn too.
Sometimes it is REALLY hard to fight those feelings so I don't end up dwelling on that person.
I try pretty hard not to do that, I end up feeling quite unfaithful.
x
Attraction is relative...no, not your second-cousin. I mean, everyone is attracted for different reasons. Hollywood attractive may not be attractive to everyone. I believe you can be chemically attracted to someone who you might even think is dog-butt ugly. Pheromones. Gotta watch those things...and sometimes the right cologne just seems to amplify it. I may be reading too much into this. Scent is a strong sense, and someone who you really were crazy for in the past may be giving off similar chemical signatures as someone else...and that could get confusing...especially if your grandmother now wears the same cologne that your searing-hot flame used to. : P YIKES!
Hubby and I had some friends in college that we got to know through our jobs. Hubby worked with the wife, and I worked with the husband. The wife told me one day that she was fairly positive that if we had all four met for the first time in college she would have married my husband and I would have married her husband.
It was interesting, to say the least.
For the record, her husband and I rehashed the conversation later and decided we would have either made the evening news because we murdered each other or we would have been divorced. (Probably the former rather than the latter.)
:)....hmmmm....I see storms a brewin' my friend....
People love to screw. We all know this.
Yes. It exists, there's no point trying to pretend it doesn't. But whether you act on it or not is what matters.
Great writing DC.
I guess It could exsist, but honestly, sexuality to me is emotional bondment. So the feeling to have sex isn't a real turn on unless I have bonded with the person in a deeper level. a connection if you will.
@storyslut - No it's not just you. I think xanga is a breeding ground in itself for attractions.